A Visit From Caitlin

When Sarah and I first began the adoption process, we were constantly asked by everyone involved how we felt about open adoptions. While there are different levels of openness, we agreed we were open to discussing anything, but would not make any promises we could not keep. When we met Caitlin, we agreed to send pictures the first few weeks and every year on Leah's (then Caleb's) birthday. We also agreed to invite her to the blessing. Those were promises we could make and we entered the relationship with every intention of delivering what we promised.

We immediately felt a closeness to Caitlin, and not only because she was giving us this amazing gift. She is a neat girl. As each day and week progressed toward the delivery day, we got to know her more. We met for dinner a couple times, and the three of us called and texted each other constantly. We grew to develop a sincere concern for Caitlin and her future. After Leah was placed with us, we reminded each other what obligations we had each made in regards to the open adoption. At this point, we were more committed than we could have ever imagined.
We knew it must be a hard thing that Caitlin had just done for Leah and herself and for us. We wanted to make sure that we could do whatever we could to help Caitlin in the emotional healing process she was about to begin. We continued to text her and occasionally call her in addition to sending photos like we initially promised. We slowly stopped texting and calling her, but made it very clear she could contact us whenever she needed. She still texts to this day. Last week she asked if it would be okay if she met with us again to give Leah a Christmas present. We agreed.
Saturday, Caitlin came to our house with her parents to meet Sarah's and my families. After a short visit with them, our families left and we were able to allow Caitlin to spend some time with Leah. It was a good day. Caitlin is healing, but she is frustrated with how slow the process is. We hope she endures it well and works towards moving forward in her life. She admits she is bummed at times, but never once has regretted her decision. She loves us and she loves Leah and she knows she did the right thing. We hope and pray for guidance daily for knowledge of how to best proceed.

Caitlin, we love you and pray for you daily. Thank you, again!

Football Ramblings

A few thoughts after this weekend:

• Football is more fun to watch with friends on a big screen and in surround sound! Thanks Jason Kelley for helping me set up my home theater system in the basement.

• The Trojans D is legit! There are soooo many offensive powerhouses in college football right now. I would put the SC defense up against any of them. The men of Troy have shut down every offensive juggernaut they have seen this year with the exception of those pesky Beavers from the Pacific Northwest; Ohio State, Oregon and Cal are all ranked very high in offensive production, yet struggled against a stingy and dominant SC Defense.

• I hate Charlie Weis. Of course I don't really know Charlie Weis, but for a guy who was a fourth choice for Notre Dame, he sure came in with more swagger than he earned. I am unsure if this new AD at ND knows what he is doing by offering Charlie so much money after two good seasons with Ty's players, but the damage is now done and Notre Dame is forced to try to find a way to get rid of the ego maniacal and losing Weis at the expense of the boosters! Would any coach want to coach there after they mistreated Willingham?! ND is an already difficult school to coach at, yet they managed to make it even less appealing! To look at Weis makes me ill!

• What the heck is Tennessee thinking?! Believe me, I like Kiffin. I think he will be a great coach, but I think his decision to go to Oakland and coach the Raiders was a decision that was ill offered and ill accepted! Sark had it right when he turned it down. There is still a whole life ahead to get to that level. When you get to that level you want to stay there. Somehow, Tennessee is convinced that Kiffin is the guy to lead them back to greatness. I hope he does, but if I were a Vol, I would want someone with more experience to draw from when the going gets tough. Then again, ignorance is bliss. Good luck, Lane.

• SC is on the outside looking in and it is frustrating. I am not stating that the four teams ahead of SC are not good, because they clearly are very talented. I am frustrated that SC is not getting the same props that an Alabama or Florida team gets for running up scores with starters in almost to the end against inferior non-conference competition. Alabama beat Tulane, Western Kentucky and Arkansas State by a total score of 96-13 (combined record of 10-24) while Florida racked up big wins against Hawaii, Citadel and a once good Miami by a total score of 152-32 (combined record of 18-18). SC beat Virginia, Notre Dame and then ranked #2 OSU by a total score of 125-13 (combined record of 22-15) and did so with their starters sitting on the bench by minute two of quarter 3. I realize the PAC 10 is not what it should be this year, but 33% of the PAC 10 is ranked in the top, while 33% of the the SEC is also ranked in the top 25...What's the diff?! Outside of a very fast and talented Florida team and a greatly coached Alabama team, who else in the SEC really matters? LSU, Georgia, Tennesee? They all have sucked too! SC's loss was to a ranked Oregon State. Florida's loss was to a ranked Mississippi team, Alabama is undefeated. The Big 12 is so amazingly talented this year and both Oklahoma and Texas should be ranked ahead of Florida. However it plays out, I can see why SC is on the outside looking in, the four teams ahead of them are just as deserving. Bottom line, I hate Florida and a good friend loves Alabama, so I hope Alabama shuts down that talented Gator team and maybe somehow Oklahoma loses to Missouri while SC manhandles UCLA so overwhelmingly that we jump over Texas...Then it may end up SC and Bama in the championship game. Wouldn't that be nice to see two old school powerhouses have at each other for all the marbles. First things first, U-C-L-Lame! Then off to the Rose Bowl....AGAIN!

• BYU should become an independent. The Mountain West conference doesn't provide anything to BYU but a potential conference championship that isn't respected anywhere anyway! BYU should take it's name and fan following on the road as an independent. Their games would be nationally televised at least five times a year versus a couple times a year on Versus or The Mountain to be viewed by the twelve people in the local area that get those channels! They could sell their name for away games to the highest bidder because other schools know from experience that the Y sells out games and has a built in fan base wherever they go. By becoming an independent, they would not only continue to be a staple in bowl games, but would not have to share their winnings with a conference that, again, provides nothing in return. The added exposure along with the game and bowl earnings would allow them to attract more blue chip athletes and compete, thus placing them in line more often for a BCS bid than they will ever see in the pathetically managed Mountain West Conference.

• The Big Twelve is STACKED!!!! This has proven to be unfortunate for the teams as they compete against each other and often knock each other off, but what a blessing it has been to not have to hear about the SEC all year! My only fear is that Oklahoma will get to yet another National Championship Game to only lay a big goose egg once again.

• Great job Non-BCS Schools with three finishing undefeated in the top twelve. We need a playoff!

Thanks, Dad!

I have great parents. I have said that so many times. We were fortunate to have my DOD (Dear Old Dad) come to visit us this last week from Monday to Friday. I know this was a great sacrifice for him. He works in retail and it is not easy to get time away from work this season. My DOD loves to work with his hands and help those he loves. He has always been so giving. Knowing this, I prepared a small list of things he could help me with while he was visiting. No surprise to me, he had the list done in record time and was happy to help. Thanks, Dad. I wish I were more handy like you.

My DOD has always been so good with kids. He is childlike in his nature and I believe that children naturally and whole-heartedly trust him. He was so good with Leah. Leah loves him. She automatically smiled for him the entire time he was visiting. She doesn't even smile for me that often! He was actually quite bummed to have the rest of the family arrive on Thanksgiving as he felt his time with Leah had come to an end or at least would be shared with others. He truly loves my little girl and she loves him. Thanks, Dad.

My Dad had a tough life. In spite of it all, he has been such a great Father to my brothers and me and a loving husband to my Mother until recently. He is such a hard worker and has passed that work ethic along to me, Jim and Scott. He joined the church at a later time, but always supported our involvement and went to sacrament meeting every Sunday. My Dad perfected the art of sleeping without the annoying head bob that told everyone behind him he was asleep. He was heavily involved in the scouting program as a Webelo leader and many of the boys he worked with still thank him when they get the chance.
He is extremely proud of his American Indian heritage and displays his pride for all to see in his actions, words and lifestyle. He has never worried what people think. He is his own person and is not embarrassed to be such. He has always been so selfless; always placing his family's happiness before his own. He was sealed to my Mother and then to me and my brothers in 1987 when I was seventeen years old. He has embraced the gospel of Jesus since that day.

Everyone who knows my Dad loves him. He is so funny and has often been the cause for uncontrollable laughter around the dinner table or while playing games as a family. Adding to this is the fact that he is almost entirely deaf. In his efforts to not let this slow him down, he adds comments to conversations that do not fit. This often results in these hilarious uproars of laughter at his expense. In any conversation with my Dad, there is almost definitely two conversations...the one you are having with him and the one he is having with you! I love how he sings everything in the style of Johnny Mathis.
My DOD is going through an interesting period of life right now. I worry for him. I love him. I hope he finds what it is that will bring him eternal joy. He has been such a good father and Christ like example to me. I hope he never loses sight of those traits. They are the greatest traits a man could ever possess.

Holiday Time is Family Time!

Back Row (l to r): Jim, Me and Scott
Front Row (l to r): Madyson Nicole, Samantha, Leah, Sarah, Mum, DOD, and Hailey Leilani

What a great Thanksgiving. My entire family still lives in California. I have invited them to Utah for the holidays for years with the sad response that they could not get the time off of work or that they were planning the event for So Cal. My feelings have never been hurt, but I did find it oddly peculiar that they were able to make it to Utah for the holidays now that we have Leah! I joke. I understand that both of my brothers now have jobs that allow more flexibility, but I also understand they were anxious to come meet Little Leah! We were happy they did.

Sarah did a great job this year preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for 14 out of our little kitchen that fits two! She spent so much time planning and preparing and the result was a fantastic dinner with little or no effort on the part of our guests. While we watched Christmas Vacation (somewhat of a holiday tradition), Sarah made turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, peas, corn, carrots, broccoli, rolls, yams, cranberry sauce, jello, cherry cream pie, pumpkin pie and Dutch apple pie! It was good! We so enjoyed the company of my Mum, DOD, Jim, Samantha, Hailey Leilani, Madyson Nicole, Scott, Joshua Wilson, Uncle Ray and Aunt Lynette and the Valderramas and they all helped where needed.

We have a fun Thanksgiving tradition in my family that has evolved a bit. After the head of the household says the Thanksgiving prayer and everyone prepares their plates, the head of the household (this year being me) holds the turkey leg and states to all present that which he is grateful for. We used to then take a bite of the turkey leg and pass it along, (similar to the family talking stick), but we have all become germaphobes, so we simply hold it as we express our gratitude for our family, friends and other blessings. I did not do so well, as emotions hit me strong this year. I was only able to state that I was grateful for Leah. I think everyone knows how grateful I am for them as well. As we passed the turkey leg around, each person shared a blessing or two that that they were grateful for. We are so, so truly blessed.

I enjoyed everyone's company and we were so happy my family was finally able to make it to Utah for a holiday. They have shown Sarah, Leah and I so much love and brought us so many gifts. Their visit meant so much. Here are a few photos.

Samantha and Leah
All my girls!
Leilani and Leah
Madyson loves Leah soooo much
Uncle JimmyUncle Scotty
YUMM! Clark, That looks GOOOOOOD!

Madyson was embarrassed to say what she was thankful for, so I held the turkey leg and spoke for her. What a coincidence it was when she spake through me and expressed her undying love for her Uncle Marque and how grateful she was for him in her life. She went on and on and on about me! Thanks, Madyson. I love you too!

Mom came prepared with a list of what she was grateful for.

The Whole Famn Damily and the Valderramas! Jason is family anyway!

Grandma showering Leah with kisses

The girls were so anxious to help with Leah in any way they couldI have no idea what he is doing, but it looks gay
You callin' us monkeys?!

And then in a blink of an eye....they were gone!

More Pics of Leah!!!

This little one is not starved for love as you can tell by the kiss marks all over her face. She is very loved by so many. None loving her more than her Mother and Father.
She loves bath time. She typically has this confused look on her face of enjoyment and utter fear.
She is moody when it comes to tummy time. She is so strong! She already pushes herself over her boppy and was turning over as early as three weeks old!
What a cutie!
Our dear friends, The Remunds, came to meet Leah this last week. They brought her gifts and more love! This is Jacie holding Leah. She was so gentle with her new friend.
This is our favorite BYU cheerleader, Bella Blackhurst. She loved holding Leah.
Leah has recently began smiling. She melts my heart when she does!
Leah has already learned to signal "TOUCHDOWN!!!!" My good friend, Mike Smith and his wife Geri stopped by before the BYU v. UofU game to meet Leah and give her this BYU Cougar Kitten onesy! Thanks, Mike. Unfortunately, Leah and me were cheering on the losing team that day. Darn Max Hall!

A Thankful Heart

I'm so grateful for the wonderful friends I have. I had so much fun at my ward baby shower. How kind it was for so many people to come by and celebrate Leah.

The Casale girls and Leah. They were so good at washing their hands before holding her.

What fun it was to sit and chat with my ward buddies.

The yummy spread. Mucho thanks to all who brought treats!

I received so many sweet gifts. Leah wants for nothing and will be stylin' in all her baby girl gear.

We were so blessed to have Marque's mom visiting. Thank you, Grandma for Leah's beautiful dress and of course the nights of sleep.

Adoring Leah with friends

"Leah Joe" with Brenda and Candace

Just a couple days later was my sister Molly threw me a baby shower. I can tell she and my mom put so much work into it. My friend Liz was so generous to open her home to my family and friends.

Here's the whole party gang. I'm happy so many friends and family were there.
It was so fun to see everyone and show off my little angel.

The whole setup was very cute. I'm sure the the change in theme from boy to girl was a challenge, but they made everything look wonderful.


From decorations to food to games...everything was perfect.
along with the clothes pin game, and guessing games
we played "guess the celebrity baby picture" game.

Proud Aunt Molly, Grandma, and Leah

Leah and all her loot. She is one lucky girl, and so am I.

(K sorry Molly I know you don't like this picture, but I think it's cute)

Molly and I went to the midnight showing of Twilight. Yes, we are one of those twilight fans. Don't we look so excited? Check out our Edward and Bella forever gear. What a fun night. Thanks Molly for sharing in my craziness even when you weren't really a fan. I had so much fun hanging out with Molly. She's hilarious. We've got the sisterly bond and think alike, so she makes me laugh so hard. Code word "funky monkey"! Much thanks to our supporting cast: Marque, Duane, Mom and Dave for watching the kids.
I am so very fortunate to have such loving people in my life. To have close families. To have the opportunity to be a mother and raise a beautiful child with an amazing man. Marque is a wonderful father. He is always willing to wakeup and feed Leah in the middle of the night, but most of all he is so gentle and gushes over his little girl. I thank Heavenly Father for blessing me with this beautiful life. I wish the same for all of you.