Well, tomorrow morning we leave for Wisconsin to meet Nicole, our birthmother. Nervous is the word that most closely describes how I feel. I really can't express in words exactly how I feel. I am sooo scared. I don't want to mess anything up. I can't help but to think that Nicole is not entirely convinced yet that we are the couple she wants to have her child. I can't help but to think she may change her mind for some reason. Maybe she will think we are not talkative enough. Maybe too talkative. Maybe I am too fat. Maybe too short. Maybe she will think I am too cocky or too nice. Both Sarah and I feel like we are dating again, but rather than dating each other, we are dating someone together. We hope the first date goes well.
Even though we have spoken on the phone a few times, this is the first time we will meet Nicole face to face. It is the first time we will see what she looks like. We have sent her pictures. I am not sure what she looks like, but to us, she is already beautiful. I sort of wish we have not talked on the phone as much as we have. Conversations on the phone have been difficult. She is shy and doesn't respond to conversation with more than one word answers. At least if we had not yet spoken as much, we would have more to ask her. I hope she can understand how much she means to us. We have tried to express it before, but the message is received reluctantly. Sarah and I both hope that the first day we meet is easier than we are expecting. We hope that the conversation is easy flowing. We hope there is a second date.
There is so much I want to know about Nicole. I am sure at some point that our son will ask about her. I want to answer those questions in a way that makes him proud of her and proud of where he came from. I want to know what her likes and dislikes are. I want to know her quirks and habits so that I can identify her in him. I would feel way better off if Sarah was left to deal with this. Sarah is so lovable and likable. I hope I don't mess this up. Please...who ever is reading this...say a prayer for us right now! We SO could use it.
My health has suffered due to the stress of adoption. I have had a headache for a solid week now. I think it is a tumor. "It's not a tumor" (Spoken in Arnold's voice). We had the boys over tonight to camp. They chickened out and decided to sleep inside. We put the tents downstairs and watched Spongebob Squarepants on the big screen from inside the tents. I think Elijah's and Cole's favorite part of the night was the flashlights. Sarah does so well with them. She is so patient. She will be a good mother. I wonder about me though. I had a great Mom and Dad, so I am sure if I can remember what they did, I can emulate it. I think they did a pretty good job. I turned out okay.
Well, sorry to ramble and sorry there are no pictures. Wish us Well in Wisconsin. We will need it.
Even though we have spoken on the phone a few times, this is the first time we will meet Nicole face to face. It is the first time we will see what she looks like. We have sent her pictures. I am not sure what she looks like, but to us, she is already beautiful. I sort of wish we have not talked on the phone as much as we have. Conversations on the phone have been difficult. She is shy and doesn't respond to conversation with more than one word answers. At least if we had not yet spoken as much, we would have more to ask her. I hope she can understand how much she means to us. We have tried to express it before, but the message is received reluctantly. Sarah and I both hope that the first day we meet is easier than we are expecting. We hope that the conversation is easy flowing. We hope there is a second date.
There is so much I want to know about Nicole. I am sure at some point that our son will ask about her. I want to answer those questions in a way that makes him proud of her and proud of where he came from. I want to know what her likes and dislikes are. I want to know her quirks and habits so that I can identify her in him. I would feel way better off if Sarah was left to deal with this. Sarah is so lovable and likable. I hope I don't mess this up. Please...who ever is reading this...say a prayer for us right now! We SO could use it.
My health has suffered due to the stress of adoption. I have had a headache for a solid week now. I think it is a tumor. "It's not a tumor" (Spoken in Arnold's voice). We had the boys over tonight to camp. They chickened out and decided to sleep inside. We put the tents downstairs and watched Spongebob Squarepants on the big screen from inside the tents. I think Elijah's and Cole's favorite part of the night was the flashlights. Sarah does so well with them. She is so patient. She will be a good mother. I wonder about me though. I had a great Mom and Dad, so I am sure if I can remember what they did, I can emulate it. I think they did a pretty good job. I turned out okay.
Well, sorry to ramble and sorry there are no pictures. Wish us Well in Wisconsin. We will need it.
14 comments:
You guys are awesome! Just relax, have faith and be yourselves! Heavenly Father is watching out for you, I know you know it, so just breathe and let Him lead you. Nicole is probably just as nervous about you, probably just as worried about you judging her, she'll see how much this means to you and everything will work out.
Good luck, my prayers are with you!
I can only imagine how nervous you are right now. Our prayers will be with you all. I know she will love you both as much as everyone else who meets and knows you does.
Nicole is the luckiest girl to have found you and Sarah as her child's adoptive parents.. She will see all the good we all see. I bet she is just as nervous and will be relieved once she meets you two and can rest assure she's putting her baby in the best hands possible.
It's not a "Tuma".. It's just stress. We deal with that exact same line around here weekly.. (Must be a man thing?) Made me laugh!
Good Luck! You guys will be perfect!!
I think that you will do great. I think Nicole will be more comfortable seeing you face to face. We love you and hope you have a good time in Wisconsin. Our prays are with you.
Good luck!!! Things will go great. Just let Sarah do all the talking.
Just kidding. You two are awesome!
Marque and Sarah,
When i first moved to Utah, I was very nervous due to the circumstances. Everytime I met someone new, i would become nervous, wondering how they would perceive me. When I met you guys for the first time, you both hugged me instantly and took the time to get to know me, and I appreciate that more than you know! The reason I tell you this, is because you both have a way of making people feel at ease and comfortable and that is how Nicole will feel when she is around you, regardless of the conversation flow! You guys are awesome and she will know this immediately! Have fun and I can't wait to meet your new son!
Marque and Sarah, You two exude love....it comes through your pores. Your love for each other shows, your love for this little boy is already so strong, your love for family is amazing. It will all be so apparent to Nicole in just a few moments.
I really understand your desire to KNOW her and understand her through your son's eyes. I hope she will share herself with you, but you will have all the right answers at the right time. She is giving him the greatest gift possible, the gift of love, of you!
Praying for you....constantly!
Mom
Everybody likes you guys that meets you I wouldn't worry too much. You have a contageous smile so just smile a lot but not too much, that would be creepy. O.K I can see why you are nervous but godd luck!
Wow. What a trip! I can't even begin to understand those kind of nerves, but we will be praying for you. There's lots of love out there for you, all of you. Just try to remember to stop and feel it amidst all this. He will be a lucky baby!
hope the trip is going well so far! i think everyone that has met you thinks you are both great - but nerves happen anyway I know. just know you have another prayer going your way!
Thank you all for the kind notes. Katie, your note made me laugh out loud. You are all so nice to us. We are in Milwaukee. It seems like a nice city. We are staying in an old Art Deco Boutique Hotel. The Ambassador. Neat place. Tomorrow we drive three and a half hours north to meet Nicole. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers...seriously... thank you.
Mark and Sarah
No worries things will work out. You have an entire ward family praying for you. Like you said the other night I really think Nicole is not wanting to get attached. Keep smiling and be yourself Nicole will see what wonderful people you and Sarah are.
Hey Marque! How exciting for you both! Good luck to you on your trip and I hope it works out for you. I'm sure it will.
It appears my insecurities proved correct...I wonder what it was. Why did Nicole drop off the face of the earth immediately after meeting us...was it that we weren't talkative enough or was it that we were too talkative? Was it that I was too short or too fat? Was it that I was too cocky or too nice? With her phone disconnected and no calls from her....I guess we will never know.
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